Everybody wondering if it's okay to change profile back now

NO-ONE wants to be the first to remove the Pride rainbow from their Facebook picture, it has emerged.

Millions of people added rainbow stripes to their profile image over the weekend, to show their support for LGBT rights in a way that did not require them to get up from their computers.

Sales manager Mary Fisher said: “Of course I support equality, but my old picture used a very flattering Instagram filter. This one makes me look simultaneously seasick, jaundiced and sunburned.

“I can’t change it back though in case everybody thinks I’ve suddenly become a massive homophobe. I might as well put up a selfie with Vladimir Putin.”   

Tom Logan, from Chesterfield, said: “My nephew’s already ditched his rainbow filter picture but he’s actually gay so nobody’s going to call him a bigot.

“Ideally there’d be a signal for when we can get rid of it without anyone thinking less of us. Maybe Ian McKellen could send a mass email titled ‘Rainbow down if you like, nice one guys’, or something?

“Or am I stuck with this until I get a new cat or have a baby?”

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Office workers lunching in park turn feral

AN increasing number of office workers who eat their sandwiches in the park are not returning to work or society.

As the sunshine continues, hundreds of al fresco lunch-breakers are deciding to go feral and live in a hedge rather than return to the misery of office-based toil.

Former inland revenue worker Emma Bradford said: “I had just finished my Thai chicken wrap when my colleague said grimly, ‘it’s time’.

“But rather than trudging back to the cubicle and putting on my headset, I listened to my heart. I could hear nature calling me, or at least the small public field with a basketball hoop that passes for nature in a city.

“I told them I wasn’t going back, and they could have my desk trinkets and the sachets of low-calorie chocolate drink in my top drawer.”

Tom Logan, who did marketing bullshit, added: “I sleep in the park’s sandpit. It’s itchy but I am free, I talk to the squirrels and the magpies, I eat leaves and drink rain water.

“There are others here like me, including a former temp worker everybody thought was in the stationary cupboard.”