Family wrong to assume they could amuse themselves during power cut

A FAMILY was stupidly optimistic about being able to keep themselves entertained without electricity, it has emerged.

After storms cut off their power, the Sheridan family quickly realised that interacting with each other and using their imaginations were no substitute for TV, video games and compulsively checking their email.

Mum, Donna Sheridan, said: “We tried a game of charades, which involved my husband waving his hands around for ages and then claiming it was ‘obvious’ he was doing a film called ‘Batman Attacks’.

“Then we tried telling ghost stories by candlelight. My son Ben claimed he knew ‘a good one’, but after 10 minutes of rambling about Satan and a dog I realised it was the plot of The Omen.

“After our phones ran out, we attempted to make our own version of Candy Crush Saga with a tin of Quality Street and a hammer, but we just ended up destroying the coffee table.”

Out of desperation, Sheridan suggested the family try ‘making things’. They then used toilet roll tubes and crepe paper to make ‘angels’ for the Christmas tree which were ‘so shit they were immediately put in the bin’.

She added: “Luckily the power came back on before my husband could get the Bontempi organ and his Bob Dylan songbook out of the loft. It was a Christmas miracle.”

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Man pretending exercise regime not about getting laid

A MAN is claiming that his exercise regime is about something other than sex.

25-year-old office worker Tom Logan pretends that he visits the gym for health reasons: “My goals are to maintain joint flexibility and reduce the risk of heart disease in later life. It’s definitely not to get big muscles so women will have sexual intercourse with me.

“I just want to be healthy, and what better way to do that than by exercising only my chest and biceps with massive weights while guzzling spoonfuls of synthetic protein out of a tub.”

Personal trainer Martin Bishop said: “To achieve his actual goal of regular heterosexual intercourse, I advise Tom combines obsessive bench pressing with a dangerous cocktail of steroids, and attends a yoga class where he is the only man.

“Also cage fighting could be good because it’s really macho and some women like going out with psychos. However it can be harder to pull if you’ve had your nose bitten off.”