FEEL shit about how little you’ve achieved in your life? These exceptional children will make it even worse:
Started playing the harpsichord at three, composed his first piece of published music at five, and was writing symphonies in his teens. Yes, he missed out on a normal childhood, but where did kicking a ball against a garden fence get you?
At 15, around about the time you were attempting to make fake IDs, Braille had come up with his alphabet of raised dots that would go on to transform the lives of the blind around the world. Still, that one time you managed to get served before being thrown out of your town’s shittest pub was worth it, right?
Long before she turned 18, Thunberg was an expert on climate change and global geopolitics, and world leaders were desperate to have an audience with her. At the age of 15 she already knew what her values were, and she lived them. You still can’t be arsed to put the recycling out.
This fearless human rights advocate became a Nobel Prize laureate at 17, probably around the time you were trying to smoke dried banana skins and telling your parents you hated them. Her campaigning started an international movement. Your dog still does not listen to you.
Your own child
Achieving more than you have isn’t difficult, and yet you still begrudge your child the decent A-level results they got because they studied hard rather than wasting their teens masturbating to All Saints videos like you did. The upside is that they’ll get a good job and be able to keep you in your old age.