A STUNT involving a terrified parachuting donkey left children disappointed by the lack of death, it emerged last night.
Organisers of the event, which took place on a newly-opened Russian beach, have been accused of wilfully underestimating the innate evil of the average under-12 after the animal miraculously survived its fall.
Parent Stehpen Malley said: “When I told my kids some men were chucking a live donkey out of a plane, they shouted ‘sold!’ and started leaping around in an endearingly bloodthirsty way, like wicked goblins who had just been promised a unicorn burger.
“Logically they assumed they would be witness to a gruesome animal fatality. So you can imagine how their homuncular little faces dropped when the creature landed with only minor injuries.”
Six-year-old Stephen Malley Jnr said: “I like donkeys and I bet they explode really well. It’s okay to break animals because according to my teacher they don’t have souls.”
He added: “My teacher sometimes says that I don’t have a soul either.”
Eight-year-old Nikki Ellis said: “I don’t know why the men dropped the donkey out of the sky. It would have been more fun if they made it eat lots of metal carrots and then picked it up with a big magnet and dropped it into a pit of hungry tigers and snakes.
“Like in Road Runner, and also Saw VIII.”
Child psychologist Carolyn Ryan stressed: “Exposing young children to public acts of animal cruelty is a very dangerous thing to do. It’s the kind of experience that will make them grow up to become writers on Hollyoaks.”