Freshers amazed they all have different words for 'bread rolls'

A GROUP of freshers from around the UK are amazed at the many regional words they have for bread buns, baps, rolls or muffins. 

The students at the University of Essex, hailing from areas as far removed as Newcastle, Aberystwyth and Cornwall, first discovered the various nomenclatures last week and have yet to tire of them.

Joe Turner of Manchester said: “What the bloody hell is a morning roll when it’s at home? You can’t call it that. It’s hilarious.

“Honestly, I thought we’d reached the limit when little Lisa walked in asking who nicked her cobs, but this is the best yet.

“So wait, Geordie Phil calls them stotties, Myfanwy says teacake, and what do you say? Batch? Are you making that up?”

The kitchen-sharing freshers, who have already shared a range of exaggerated or invented drug experiences and stories illustrating how different they were to people in their hometowns, are planning to take the conversational topic on a tour of other shared accommodation.

Turner added: “Has everyone heard me call one a ‘barm cake’ yet? If not I can say it again.”

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You can claim compensation as soon as you run our maze of death, says Ryanair

RYANAIR has promised passengers that they will receive generous compensation and replacement flights once they run its maze of death. 

The airline, accused of failing to inform passengers of their right to compensation, claims to be disappointed with the low number who have chosen to run a gauntlet of unsolvable puzzles and deadly traps.

CEO Michael Ryan said: “Our terms and conditions are clear, and compensation beyond their wildest imaginings is all waiting for them in the final chamber. If they have the nerve.

“Sure, there are a few acid pits to get past, and obviously whirling blades, and I’m particularly proud of the poison darts that are always just where you don’t expect, and then there’s the RoboMinotaur, but come on.

“I’ve spent millions on this, because it’s my pleasure to see humans suffer, but it seems for once I’ve overestimated our customers’ willingness to submit to any tortures just to save twenty quid.”

He added: “How about this, lifetime Priority Boarding to anyone you makes it through the room with the razor pendulums and the crocodile. And a complimentary 250ml can of Coke.”