FUN for adults is a myth, it has emerged.
Researchers at the Institute for Studies observed a number of grown-up ‘fun’ events for evidence of gay abandon.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “When observing supposedly light-hearted adult activities like go-karting and paintball, we found that the participants were either not remotely interested or desperately trying to win.
“Social gatherings like 40th birthday parties begin awkwardly, descend into boasting competitions and then peter out when guests go home to slag each other off.
“Nightclubs are the least enjoyable of all, being simultaneously terrifying and dull.”
Professor Brubaker also highlighted dance workshops, fancy dress and Christmas as further evidence of adults’ fruitless pursuit of fun.
He said: “What’s interesting is that virtually everyone participating in these events will claim to have had fun, until you sit them down, look them in the eye, and ask them why they liked it.
“When you’re a kid virtually everything has ‘fun value’, even just flicking a beetle can make you completely immersed in pleasure.
“As soon as you hit 21 your fun capacity begins to wither. By 35 it is utterly dead and no amount of juggling, facial hair and ‘gadget shop’ products can revive it.
“By that point the best thing is just to stay away from everyone.”