Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Get bikes off the road, says motorist who also opposes cycle lanes

A DRIVER who believes cyclists are a menace he should not share a road with is also dead against cycle lanes, he has confirmed. 

Roy Hobbs, driver of a Mitsubishi Shogun, admits he does not like driving within 50 yards of a cyclist in case there is an accident and they damage his paintwork. 

He said: “Roads are for cars. Simple as. Cycling on them risks their lives and my no-claims bonus. 

“They’re too slow and wobbly and unpredictable to share the main carriageway with responsible motorists. I had a hell of a scare the other day when one came out of nowhere when I was FaceTiming the wife. 

“But also, I don’t see why we should sacrifice a perfectly good slice of public highway just so they can ride without fear of death or serious injury. I pay road tax. 

“So when I’m not uploading dashcam footage of dangerous cyclists and encouraging social media pile-ons, I’m launching a campaign against segregated cycle lanes that could slow my commute by up to 90 seconds. 

“And it goes without saying they shouldn’t be on the pavement. The only acceptable places to ride a bike are the Olympics and Belgium.”