A WOMAN who is neither spiritual nor maternal is as surprised as everyone to be made a godmother to a baby girl.
Nikki Hollis, 34, was asked to be baby Ava’s spiritual guardian, despite her reputation for ‘getting her tits out’ at parties and ‘hating kids’.
Hollis said: “I’m happy to be tagged in the christening photos on Facebook provided I look thin in them, but I hope no one’s expecting much from me.
“I don’t know what wisdom I have to impart to a child, other than which food combinations nip a hangover in the bud, or which Treatwell offers are actually worth paying for.
“But to be fair that knowledge did come from years of binge drinking and bad bikini waxes so maybe I’m underestimating the value of my life experiences.”
Friend Carolyn Ryan said: “The closest Nikki has ever come to being spiritual was buying that book The Secret that teaches you a load of bollocks about ‘attracting’ money into your life by thinking positively.
“Plus sometimes she posts inspiring quotes on Instagram about living for the moment, followed by a load of cocktail emojis.”