Sunday, 7th June 2020

Grandparents don't know what attraction they've brought the kids to today and don't f**king care

GRANDPARENTS looking after their grandchildren over half-term have no idea what attraction they are visiting today and could not care less, they have confirmed. 

The retired couple, who are exhaustedly allowing the children supposedly in their care run riot in whatever aquarium, museum or soft play centre they are currently obliviously in the middle of, have confessed they cannot tell the difference any more.

Norman Steele, aged 71, said: “Is this a petting zoo, or are those animals stuffed? Not that I give a bugger.

“It’s marvellous having grandchildren but when I visited these places four decades ago, with kids of my own, I was already bored. Now I can barely discern them.

“The kids are excited, they run around screaming, we have cups of tea and give them massive blue slushies and Toffee Crisps whenever they hassle us. Knowing where we are’s not in my remit.

“Three more days of this. Yes, dear, of course you can have a pound to go on the machine. Don’t bother telling me what it is.”

Five-year-old Daisy Steele said: “Today Ganda and Gandma took us to the abbatoir that’s next to the swimming pool. We had a lovely time.”