THOUSANDS of Britons have been maimed after buying hawks on a whim, it has emerged.
The popularity of the award-winning book H is for Hawk has seen over six million hawks sold in the last week, mostly to people who just think they look adorable.
Office manager Emma Bradford said: “I had a guinea pig when they were popular, and a terrapin when Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles came out, so it seemed only fitting to get a hawk because there are hawks in a book I haven’t read.
“I was surprised by how big it was and its reluctance to eat the Hob Nobs I bought it.
“Even worse when I turned the hair dryer on yesterday it went completely mental, sank its talons into my neck and pecked off the lobe of my left ear.”
She added: “I thought hawks were supposed to be low maintenance pets.”
Plumber Roy Hobbs said: “I tried to cuddle my hawk and now I am missing an eye. It is just not the affectionate bird buddy I was hoping for.
“Yesterday it escaped via an open window and returned with next door’s cat in its claws. To be fair the cat had been shitting in my garden so I had mixed feelings.”
