Hopelessly mixed metaphor enters fifth analogy

AN anecdote about work has turned into a hellish mess of ill-advised comparisons.

Comms manager Tom Booker has continued to introduce similes to clarify earlier metaphors and is now unable to escape.

Colleague Carolyn Ryan said: “He’s deployed an elephant in the room, a forest invisible because of trees, a herd of cats and an alien invasion fleet, but none of them make sense and he just keeps going deeper, like Inception.

“Also, like Inception and Call of Duty, it turns out that the fourth level of metaphors is always a snowy one. Who knew?”

Booker said: “I think one more analogy, this time to Jesse Owens at the 1936 Munich Olympics, should put the lid on the whole thing.

“I just really want everyone to understand the extent to which Claire is being a bitch.”


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Diggers weirdly hypnotic

THE average Briton spends 210 hours of their life staring at diggers, it has emerged.

Father-of-two Roy Hobbs said: “There’s something about large, slow-moving machinery, especially if it is yellow in colour and makes a rumbly sound.

“Trucks and cranes are good too but it’s the digger that really takes me to another, deeper place.

“However I know that if the digger driver offered me a go on it I would flee in terror.”

Digger driver Norman Steele said: “It can be unnerving trying to work while a growing crowd of bystanders gazes intently at you, completely transfixed and zombie-like.

“Sometimes a little kid will point and mouth the word ‘digger’ but otherwise they are completely silent and ‘in the zone’.”

He added: “People ask me what driving a digger is like. It’s ok, but it makes your arse hurt.”