Hot baths solve nothing

A LONG, relaxing hot bath will do nothing whatsoever about any of your problems, Britain has been told.

Researchers have found that whether you are struggling with stress at work, debt or a failing marriage, it will still be there after lying in some water.

Psychiatrist Dr Helen Archer said: “In the old days, a hot bath could at least get rid of an unwanted pregnancy. Nowadays all it does it confirm what a great idea showers are.

“They don’t even solve the problem of poor hygiene, because after two hours steeping in your own boiled filth it hardens on like resin and has to be cracked off with a toffee hammer.”

Researchers have also advised that there is no point in adding bubble bath, bath bombs or any other brightly coloured chemicals unless you want to re-enact the origin of the Joker.

Susan Traherne of Northampton said: “Whenever I have worries, I go for a lovely hot bath.

“I soak for an hour with a Martina Cole, and when I’ve finished all my troubles just spiral away down the drain.

“And when I say worries and troubles, I mean pubic hair.”