It’s like ‘Event Horizon’ in there, say fog survivors

SURVIVORS of the London fog have revealed that ‘some bad, freaky shit is happening in there’.

Tom Logan, who crawled from the miasma just after 10am, said it was like being an extra in one of the most unwatchable parts of the 1997 sci-fi horror film, Event Horizon.

He added: “It’s a sea of writhing bodies, screaming for mercy as if newly arrived in hell.

“I almost bumped into someone.”

With no more than 10 hours warning, millions of water droplets suspended themselves just above the capital shortly after dawn. By 8am London was a sickening broth of tangled limbs.

Julian Cook, a designer, said: “I came face to face with myself, but I was a very old man.

“Someone asked me later if it was maybe just a very old man, but I don’t think it was.”

Marketing consultant, Emma Bradford, said: “I dropped my gloves. As they disappeared into the fog I shouted ‘Stay alive! No matter what occurs, I will find you!’.

“This is my life now.”

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Tom Cruise is best man at every Scientology wedding

A COUPLE have won the legal right to be married in a British Scientology chapel, allowing Tom Cruise to be a best man for the 3,814th time.

Cruise welcomed the High Court ruling and will use Best Man Speech 267B, which features a inspiring story about the groom’s journey through the Ultima-Excelsium Quadrant of Xenu Thoughtscape.

It emerged the Mission:Impossible star has been best man at every Scientology wedding since 1998, after telling church leaders that ‘if there is righteous Scientology happening somewhere, I need to be in on it’.

A church spokesman said: “Tom loves nothing more than launching a young couple into married life. After the ceremony he takes them into a private room and stares at them silently while smiling, very very intensely, for exactly 58 minutes.”

Scientologist Joseph Turner, who was married in 2005, said: “I had hoped that my best friend from university would be my best man until the church reminded me that Tom Cruise is my best friend from university.”