Kettering confirmed as most adequate place to live

KETTERING is the UK’s most acceptable if unexciting place to live, it has been confirmed.

Researchers discovered that nothing particularly bad or good happens in the Northamptonshire town, which is best-known as the home of Weetabix’s head office.

Kettering resident Eleanor Shaw said: “I feel like my dreams haven’t exactly come true, but I haven’t failed either.

“I am living in the absolute middle of everything and it feels okay.”

Kettering councillor Martin Bishop said: “There was a bit of excitement a few years ago when Gazza managed Kettering Town FC for about a fortnight.

“Not a great deal has happened since then. Everything has just ticked along”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Kettering is beautifully average. If it had a penis it would be exactly 5.1 inches long.”