THE UK has asked the King to not put them through a weekend of pageantry like that for at least another 25 years.
After three weekends in the last 12 months celebrating the wonder of people who objectively do very little, Britain has admitted it is all Royaled out.
Oliver O’Connor of Swindon said: “Appreciate the day off. But next time you’re thinking about dedicating a whole weekend to how amazing you are, can you just f**king not?
“I didn’t mind Platty Joobs. I accepted the necessity of the funeral even though that was practically a fortnight. I guess this had to happen next. But just leave it now, alright?
“As far as I can tell there’s nothing now until your Silver Jubilee when you’re 99, so you sit back and dream of that while the rest of us live our lives parade-free for a few years.
“Tell them kids of William’s they’re not marrying young. Forget doing anything for your Tin Jubilee. Quite frankly we need a long run-up before we’ll give a shit about you again.
“Off to your palace now and out of everyone’s faces. You’ve had your big day and you can remember that at length. Let’s have a few years of humbly serving the people from behind closed doors, eh?”
O’Connor added: “Oh yeah, one other thing: don’t die.”