Living Wage renamed Still Properly Skint Wage

THE Living Wage is to be renamed to reflect a world where fags are a tenner.

Following an increase to £8.75 per hour, the so-called Living Wage will henceforth be called the Still Properly Skint Wage to reflect recipients’ threadbare lives.

Still Properly Skint Wage earner Roy Hobbs said: “Can’t grumble with a pay increase although how do you define living? Do you mean having the heating on for a bit?

“The CEO of my company, who makes 300 times what I earn, can afford to go on holiday to spa hotels where they rub you down with essences of rare flowers on a balcony overlooking the ocean.

“I would say that man is living, whereas I’m sort of existing with a bit of help from the discount aisle in Tesco where they put the dented yoghurts.”

Hobbs added: “At least I’m not on the minimum wage, which should be called, ‘the smallest amount of money those unscrupulous tight fuckers can get away with wage’.”