Londoner fascinated to hear about life in ‘the regions’

A LONDONER is desperate to hear more about the provinces after learning of life forms beyond the M25.

Tom Logan, from Fulham, has become fascinated by the rest of country after a colleague revealed she was from somewhere that was not London.

Logan said: “Apparently she grew up in something called a ‘cul de sac’ in a ‘Stafford’.

“I immediately asked her if a ‘Stafford’ was a place, some sort of farm vehicle, or perhaps just a state of mind.”

He added: “‘Cul de sac’. It sounds rustic and charming, but also rather dangerous. It is all just utterly gripping.”

Research by the Institute of Studies found that almost 70 per cent of Londoners continue to believe the rest of Britain is a myth perpetuated by the government to explain under-funded public services.

Meanwhile, friends of Logan revealed he is originally from Nottingham but has had electro-shock therapy to erase all non-London memories.

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Trump hiding from media 'like he owes them rent money'

DONALD Trump is currently hiding from the media as if he owes them two months’ rent money, it has been confirmed.

Trump, who is the first president since a nearly assassinated Ronald Reagan to boycott the White House Correspondents’ dinner, is thought to be hiding underneath his bed and shushing his kids whenever the door bell rings.

A senior source said: “They mainly knock between nine and five, so there’s no chance of him opening the door then.

“If it’s late then it’s usually just Steve Bannon asking if he can borrow a shovel and can Mr Trump say that ‘the two of them have been playing chess all night’.”

Mr Trump said: “I’m not hiding from the press, I’m hiding from fake news. There is a very subtle and unprovable difference between the two.”