Londoner hates everywhere outside of London too

A LONDONER would love to leave London if everywhere he visited outside of London was not equally sh*t, he has admitted. 

Joe Turner hates London’s extortionate rents, overcrowded trains and unfriendly people, but recent trips to Wales and the Midlands have not convinced him he could do better elsewhere.

He said: “I could afford a house in Cardiff no problem. But it’s a bit of a sh*thole, isn’t it?

“Like the city centre’s alright during the day, but at night it’s swamped with pissed-up Valleys girls and drive ten minutes in any direction and it’s just grey terraced houses in the pissing rain.

“And in theory I could move to to Leicester, but after a weekend there I challenge any resident to give me a solid reason why I should. I’ve never seen anywhere so dispiritingly flat.

“Manchester’s alright but I’m averse to being punched in the face. Bristol’s unbearably smug, Edinburgh’s f*cking freezing and the less said about Leeds, the better.

“I might as well stay here. Say what you like about London, at least it’s not everywhere else.”