STOCKY men are aggressive because their clothes are constantly chafing.
The Institute for Studies found that thick thighs and wide necks rub against fabric, causing relentless irritation which finds its outlet in violence.
Heft commentator Tom Logan explained “For years, we’ve thought that aggression was linked to the testosterone that comes with muscle build up, when really it’s connected with being unable to buy properly fitting outfits.
“Now we know why Arnold Schwarzenegger is so disappointing in nude scenes.
“We long to see his raw power and fury in an erotic context, but when he gets his kit off he’s insipid as a five-year-old boy’s chai latte.”
Former violent criminal Tom Booker said: “I thought I was beating people up because of repressed homosexuality or psychological issues relating to my emotionally-distant father.
“But now that I think about it, my jeans were absolutely killing me.”
Norman Steele, an eight-stone anxiety expert said: “Next time a bigger man fronts up to me, I shall just tell him to remove his clothes.”