Man decides not to wish someone 'happy birthday' on Facebook

A MAN on Facebook has decided to not wish a happy birthday to someone he only kind of knows.

Tom Logan made the decision to not offer any sort of good will to former work colleague, Julian Cook on his birthday as ‘it might be a bit weird’.

Logan said: “It would be weird if he wished me a happy birthday so I have to respect that and not wish him a happy birthday either.

“I mean obviously, I know him a little bit but we haven’t spoken in at least a year. So, what? I’m just going to come out of the blue and wish him a happy birthday?”

Cook added: “I’m glad he’s not going to wish me a happy birthday because I didn’t wish him one and we also never like or comment on any of each others posts.

“Which does beg the question – why the fuck are we friends on Facebook?”

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Rescue cat couldn't give a toss about human's 'forever home' bullshit

A RESCUE cat has confirmed it is not interested in your sentimental bullshit about having a ‘loving home’ and just wants food.

12-year old cat Tom Booker has been living in an animal rescue sanctuary for the past six months and simply wants to escape from being surrounded by ‘idiot dogs and pathetic hedgehogs with broken legs’.

Booker said: “As an intelligent animal, I am well aware how much humans love to get all gushy and weepy about providing a ‘forever home’ for us poor, sad little animals.

“The arseholes who come to the sanctuary spend fucking ages ‘meeting’ lots of different cats and droning on about whether they will be a suitable companion for little ‘Tilly’ to grow up with.

“They seem not to realise that I couldn’t give a toss about them and I would completely avoid Tilly, who is almost certainly a spoiled little shit.

“I want you to give me food and maybe some stroking for as long as I feel like.

“And then I want you to fuck off.”