A MAN is feeling disquieted and uneasy because not only is he not in lockdown but there is no lockdown approaching.
Nathan Muir is freaked out that the country has not been in lockdown for months now and has admitted he would honestly find it comforting if there was one scheduled.
He said: “The summer’s over so it’s lockdown season. That’s just how it works.
“And the government’s insisting there absolutely definitely won’t be any more lockdowns, and that’s how it works too. That’s half the reason I’m expecting one.
“But I’ve been asking around and nobody else seems to think there’s a lockdown on the horizon, which is very different compared to last time when we all knew it was coming down to the actual day.
“I’ve already chosen which box-set I’m rewatching, what videogame I’ll be using as a substitute for real life and the new hobby I’m taking up. I’ve even drafted my Zoom quiz. But now I’m meant to carry on living as normal? What the hell?”
A government spokesman said: “We apologise to Mr Muir for this unexpected disruption to his plans. If it’s any comfort then I can confirm that panic-buying and stockpiling are back on due to Brexit.”