Man who went camping at weekend expects sympathy

A MAN who went on a rain-soaked camping trip at the weekend is telling colleagues as if he deserves sympathy. 

Tom Booker is behaving as if the trip, which apparently was ruined by the entirely predictable hazards of wind, rain, cold and the horrendous impracticality of the whole endeavour, is something for which other people should feel sorry for him. 

Helen Archer said: “Apparently the first disaster was that he’d forgotten the pegs, which surely provided him with the perfect excuse to turn around and go home. He didn’t. So it’s all his own fault. 

“Then he woke up and the tent had leaked and he had to get changed in his car, which if you will play at being homeless then face the consequences. 

“Then they went for a walk but the mist was down so they couldn’t see anything. I feel like you could probably tell that from the bottom of the mountain and go the pub instead, but I didn’t say it. 

“Now apparently he’s got to unpack and dry a wet tent. I can’t really empathise with that, because I was clever enough to stay in a warm house watching telly.” 

Booker said: “The thing is, I went camping once and it was good. So I’m confident the 230 terrible times since are just an unfortunate blip.” 

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Labour Party unveils 24-foot bronze statue of brave and noble leader Corbyn

THE Labour Party has confirmed the smelting of a 24 foot bronze statue of Jeremy Corbyn in which he will be either handing out bread or banging his left fist into his right hand.

The statue of Corbyn will be placed in the newly named Freedom Square, formerly Leicester Square, after the revolution comes in the next couple of months.

A Labour spokesman said: “We’d really like quite of these statues dotted round the place to be honest. Just to remind the public of the great and noble sacrifices and victories of our infallible leader.

“We also want a 20 foot statue of John McDonnell looking generally annoyed, a 50 foot statue of Diane Abbott carrying farming equipment, and also one of Tom Watson.

“Just shitting you, we’re obviously not making one of Tom Watson.”