Moleskine notebooks best for unfinished ideas

MOLESKINE notebooks are perfect for creative projects that will never be completed, according to aspiring writers.

The UK’s wordsmiths confirmed that the elegant pocket books are best for writing novels, screenplays and rock operas that peter out after a few pages.

Marketing assistant Carolyn Ryan said: “I’ve always dreamed of being a less frosty JK Rowling but I couldn’t find paper exquisite enough to receive my genius.

“Now I’ve bought a Moleskine, I know I’ll fill a little bit of it with scribbled plans for my book about a virgin girl wizard who signs a bondage contract.”

A Moleskine spokesman said: “Whether you’re planning a novel, a memoir or a trilogy of hefty fantasy novels, Moleskine notebooks are perfect for jotting down those first precious sentences then realising it’s not going to work.

“Our new products actually have blank film credits printed on page nine, for when you get bored and start speculatively casting the big-budget movie.”

Fledgling screenwriter Stephen Malley said: “Moleskines are for amateurs. I’m not some credulous hopeful who believes that buying the right notebook will miraculously unlock their creative ability.

“Because I’m in this for real I’ve bought the latest version of screenwriting software Final Draft. Which will save me having to write any of the earlier drafts.”

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Everyone to get gold object

ANY person with a job is to be given a gold object and some attention, it has emerged.

In a move inspired by the Oscars, anyone who does some sort of work will get a glittering prize to make them feel special.

A government spokesman said: “Most people think actors just get paid in awards, but incredibly they get money too – often several times the minimum wage.

“Seeing how happy the famous people look with their gold objects, we governments of the Western world have decide to give a gold man to all productive citizens.

“Gold-coloured plastic, obviously, otherwise you’d be getting a massive tax bill.

“This grand gesture will have no more or less meaning than the Oscars ceremony itself.”