Moon-gnomes defend Steiner free schools

TINY elemental beings known as ‘moon-gnomes’ have defended the opening of state-funded Steiner free schools.

The nature spirits are ancient and powerful

Moon-gnome Stephen Malley is one of the magical elemental beings that philosopher Ruldolph Steiner correctly identified as being responsible for the Earth’s ecology.

Seated on a toadstool and thoughtfully stroking his lustrous gnome beard, Malley said: “Steiner’s contribution to the understanding of gnomes, undines and other types of nature spirit cannot be overestimated.

“Without his work we would probably still be living in a non-magical stone age, where things were explained via science rather than sorcery.

“His stuff on race is really good too, especially the stuff about how someone’s skin colour corresponds to how spiritually advanced they are.

“That’s one of those great ideas that seems obvious in retrospect.”

Parent Nikki Hollis said: “Steiner free schools are a waste of taxpayers’ money, catering to the fantasies of massively neurotic middle-class people who dress in weird homespun clothes that the Clangers might wear.

“I want my kids to learn about real, worthwhile stuff that’s grounded in logic and reason. Like how a virgin had a magic baby in a stable, and some men arrived with presents after following a UFO.”