Most people have no idea what their job is

THE majority of the UK workforce do not really know what they are supposed to be doing while they are at the office, according to new research.

The Institute for Studies found that 64% of employees turn up and sit at a computer and then stay there until it feels like it is okay to leave.

Nikki Hollis, a customer whadyamacallit from Swindon, said: “I work in an open plan office with lots of orange girls and sometimes I go to meetings at a slightly larger office in Reading where they give me good quality biscuits.

“Sometimes someone will come up and ask me how it’s going and I’ll smile and say ‘fine thanks’.”

Roy Hobbs, a person who turns up most days from Hatfield, said: “I think I’m supposed to be head of, I dunno, some personnel bullshit thing.

“Or maybe team leader, or assistant product supervisor. Fuck knows. A couple of years ago I filled in some form, told the normal amount of lies during a 30 minute interview, they said something about pensions and then I went for a couple of pints.”

He added: “I get a lot of emails from someone called Tony who goes on about purchasing or something and sometimes asks me about my kids. I forward them to someone called Ian. Or I ignore them.

“Otherwise I just type the names of random dangerous animals into Google. I think it’s going well.”