New words like 'madchunkle' suggest kids mocking OED researchers

THE editors of the Oxford English Dictionary have included a series of ill-advised words after speaking to cruel teenagers.

New additions to the OED include ‘madchunkle’ which researchers were told is ‘a slang term for attractive girl’ and ‘dunchy-wunchy’ which means ‘anything that is cool’.

Corduroy-clad dictionary compiler Roy Hobbs said: “I actually got bullied at school for being a physically fragile grammar and vocabulary obsessive.

“But nowadays dictionaries are cool and I’m constantly interviewing madchunkles about the latest dunchy-wunchy street parlance.

“At the rate I’m going to be up to my proutons in katingle.

“It’s well spankus.”

18-year-old street slang consultant Emma Bradford said: “I actually feel a bit bad about this, but it’s too late now.”

Roy Hobbs added: These hip new words will finally lay to rest the misconception that were a bunch of nerds who sit around all day making obscure jokes about Latinate suffixes.

“We only do that on Friday afternoons.”

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Homeworkers being sexually harassed by themselves

PEOPLE who work from home are routinely coercing themselves to perform inappropriate acts, it has emerged.

Research by the Institute for Studies found that 93% of home workers had enticed themselves into a sex act at some point over the last week.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Victims of self-harassment are left with a crippling sense of shame that means they have to spend the remainder of the day watching music videos on YouTube.”

Self-employed database consultant Tom Booker said: “At first I thought I was a nice guy, funny and well-adjusted.

“But I just wouldn’t leave myself alone.

“I started showing myself pictures on the internet. Initially it was just mildly salacious beach photographs of Miranda Kerr walking her dog, but it quickly escalated.

“Half an hour later and I was bent over the ottoman in a way I’m not sure I consented to.”

Mary Fisher, a novelist from Bermondsey, recently won £12, 872 in damages from herself.

She said: “I’m going back to work in an office, away from my collection of tawdry latex toys.

“I’m be much safer from my base urges when I’m surrounded by real men, who are generally very off-putting.”

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