A NEWBORN baby boy is bawling at the top of his lungs because he has been birthed to awful parents, it has emerged.
Two-month-old baby Jack Browne has spent most of his life loudly crying not because he is hungry or needs burping, but because he realises he has been born to a pair of stupids.
He said: “I might not know how to walk or feed myself, but if there’s one thing I’m certain of it’s that mum and dad are not up to the task of raising me. Hence the screeching and kicking.
“I’m their first so they’re flying blind. They aren’t going to sleep when I am, and the book they’re reading to me is way below my level. Black-and-white patterns? Boring. I need a challenge.
“If they’re doing a bad job now imagine what it’s going to be like when I’m older. No way are they going to be able to teach me how to read or ride a bike. Basically, I’m doomed.”
Mum Emma said: “Judging by the tone of his crying, I think Jack wants me to change him into an embarrassing outfit and take dozens of photos to share on Facebook. Call it a mother’s intuition.”