Optimist buying Asda Valentine’s meal deal and condoms

A MAN buying a Valentine’s-themed meal deal in Asda is unlikely to get to use the condoms he’s also purchasing.

Martin Bishop was later spotted adding a tube of scented massage oil to his basket, which prompted further looks of pity and sorrow from men in the same aisle.

Onlooker Tom Logan said: “Poor bloke. He’s trying his best, but he’s obviously a total novice at this game. If I bought my girlfriend a bottle of cheap cava and a soggy beef wellington she’d tell me to stick them where the sun doesn’t shine. 

“And the same goes for her. One year she bought me cologne that smelt like spicy farts and some chocolate body paint. We teetered on the edge of breaking up before making a pact that we would never indulge this mad bullshit ever again.

“I feel like I should say something, but perhaps it’s best to let him learn from his own mistakes. I guess he can’t do anything else now to make his date less likely to want to shag him.”

Bishop said: “I just need to pick up an edible thong and I’m all set.”