THE effect of AI on jobs is expected to be bad. But having said that, there are some professions we’d be happy to see gone forever. Such as these…
Management consultants
You’ve got admire the sheer brass neck of 22-year-old Anthropology graduates telling 50-somethings how they should be running businesses older than they are. But firms are already laying off consultants, probably because AI can tell you to sell more and cut costs. It’s well within AI’s abilities to handle strategy memos and financial analyses, and any client would rather deal with dull ChatGPT text than the smug face of a recent Oxbridge grad called Xander.
Radio DJs
A computer can surely generate inane anecdotes between songs and a less annoying voice than most DJs. Only an overtly evil AI like Skynet or the Allied Mastercomputer in I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream would come up with something as nefarious as Chris Evans or Chris Moyles. So that’s DJs out of a job. Never mind, they can be repurposed as cannon fodder for the army. TV presenters will be allowed to remain, though, as some of them have tits and that cheers everyone up when there’s bad news.
Linguists
Revenge for being humiliated in year 9 German or French, plain and simple. Translators, interpreters and language tutors are some of the most at-risk jobs, with all of us now able to speak any language at the touch of a button. Not to mention the universal language of mockery as we laugh at those who were silly enough to master the past indicative. Okay, there’ll be no human filter if the AI is malfunctioning and you’re saying things like ‘Testicle sandwich bath yum yum koala’ but it’s the future and the tech bros are never wrong.
Poets
Many people hate poets, with all their emotions and dandelions and shit, and the tedium of doing the girly romantic ones at school. Even worse are people who think writing down their inane thoughts with no rhymes or structure is brilliant ‘free verse’. AI is going to have no problem replicating most of this stuff. If anything it’ll be a boom time for poetry. Poetry lovers – both of them – can probably get ChatGPT to knock up a million poems in the next five seconds.
Restaurant hosts
No longer will checking into a fancy restaurant involve being looked up and down by a 23-year-old in size 6 jeans who’s clearly never eaten any of the food being served in her pricey establishment. AI can let you check yourself into the restaurant, tell you what table to go to in advance and probably choose your meal for you. Although AI has no idea what food is and glitches badly sometimes, so you may find yourself asking if the chef can prepare a sheet of A4 paper on a bed of moss.
