A PERSON with no power should no longer be the symbolic head of an organisation that does not matter, according to someone who made up his own job.
Nick Clegg, the self-styled ‘deputy prime minister’, said it was time for Britain’s entirely decorative monarch to relinquish her meaningless role as head of a rapidly decaying religion to which no-one pays the slightest attention.
Mr Clegg said: “Stop what you’re doing. We need to talk about this immediately.”
But Tom Logan, from Peterborough, said: “I’m sorry, what’s all this about? The Queen and the Church of England? Well thank God whatever his name is has raised the subject because I’ve been up all night thinking about it.”
Mr Logan added: “The roads round here are absolutely full of fucking potholes. Perhaps Mr Clegg could persuade Her Majesty and the Archbishop of Canterbury to fill them in.
“I really don’t care who’s in charge of that.”