Police Looking Forward To ‘summer Of Truncheons’

POLICE forces across the UK are looking forward to cracking dozens of middle class skulls this summer, a senior officer said yesterday.

Police are hoping for lots of River Cottage fans

Superintendent Tom Logan said the recession could provoke thousands of law-abiding professionals into violent unrest giving his officers a once in a lifetime chance to get in amongst them with nightsticks.

He added: "Economic downturn means people you would not normally associate with civil unrest taking their anger on to the streets. It's a very special time in a policeman's life.

"A lot of my lads were too young for the poll tax riots and so this could be their only chance to knock the absolute living shit out of a Guardian reader.

"Ideally it'll be the sort of people who have fancy dinner parties, with their Le Creuset pots and their Cloudy Bay and their nonce friends, passing round the marijuana cigarettes and raising money for Hezbollah.

"The sort of people who think that answering back is a 'human right' and that policeman are just a bunch of violent, ill-educated thugs. The sort of people who have absolutely no fucking idea."

Supt Logan stressed that anyone who is thinking about protesting this summer should not be put off, adding: "Come to London. Have a day out. Throw bricks, deface banks with your tins of Farrow and Ball paint and above all, when the policemen charge at you, stand your ground.

"And when six of my lads are dragging you by the hood of your Fat Face cagoule into the back of a van, please do struggle a bit, thereby giving them reasonable cause to boot you squarely in the kidneys. They love that."