SENIOR police officers last night said there was no way you were getting a go of their tasers despite new data showing they are even more fun than previously believed.
Statistics, released under the Freedom of Information Act, show that 74% of taser injuries during 2008 were sustained to the buttocks in police station recreation rooms.
And in the second half of last year over 220 police officers sustained tongue injuries after their fellow officers dared them to see what electricity tasted like.
Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson said: "These are not toys, even if they are brilliant fun and it was mental the time I used mine to knock an owl straight out of a tree.
"However there's absolutely no way I would condone incidents like the time we took ours to Longleat and did target practice on otters while reciting one-liners from Jason Statham movies."
One constable, from Hertfordshire, said: "No fucking chance. I let my brother in law hold it briefly on his birthday but that's it.
"If someone in the pub asks I tell them it's strictly for official police use, and they nod in agreement and then I shoot them in the nuts."
He added: "When they're on the deck spazzing out I'll stand over them, blow an imaginary wisp of smoke off the end of the barrel and say either 'I vanquish thee' or 'your powers are weak old man' and everyone laughs their tits off.
"And you should see what it does to a toad."