Sad ripped-off family overdoes it in photo

A FAMILY that lost money on something has overdone the ‘fake sad faces’ in a group photograph.

39-year-old Tom Logan, his wife Sally and their two children found themselves let down after trusting either a bank, estate agent or theme park.

They had their picture taken while describing their ordeal but failed to achieve realistically forlorn expressions.

Tom Logan said: “It was either too much or too little. My wife just looks like she’s got PMT and the kids are clearly faking it.

“The photographer suggested we slap each other, then showed us a picture of a dead pony on his phone. Even so, the result was lame.

“To be honest having the photo done was far worse than whatever it was that happened to us.”

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Hackers not sure what to do with stolen passwords

HACKERS are wondering how they can profit from stealing millions of passwords to free email accounts and entertainment websites.

Now he can watch 30 Rock on Netflix

The Russian hackers are concerned that they may merely have gained access to freely available video clips, unremarkable personal photos and trillions of inane emails.

Hacker Dimitri Andropov said: “I’m fucked if I know how to make money out of a random Norwegian teenager’s YouTube account full of Rammstein videos.

“We’ve got plenty of stolen email addresses, but it’s pointless spamming them because nowadays everyone just laughs at spam instead of being excited about getting a cut-price Rolex or massive penis.

“I even tried collecting personal details off Guardian Soulmates to commit identity theft, but after a while I got sick of the chronically needy with their Zumba and love of French cinema.”

The Russian hackers said they were now developing completely new internet scams, such as demanding that people handed over their bank details or face having their iPlayer favourites list deleted.

Andropov added: “We may not be able to empty people’s bank accounts, but we can definitely stop them receiving their LinkedIn updates.”

IT consultant Stephen Malley said: “The only way to protect yourself against hacking is to pay an IT consultant £200 an hour to install Norton AntiVirus and eat biscuits.”