Slankets ‘unacceptable’

BLANKETS with arms have no place in a civilised world, it has been claimed.

Experts at the Institute for Studies have recommended that Slanket owners should be put on a special register for lazy bastards.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Owning a Slanket is like saying ‘I never wanted to leave the womb’.

“There should be a social stigma attached to it. These people are adults but they behave like kittens, obsessed with heat and ‘snuggling’.

“It is pathetic.”

Professor Brubaker believes that Slanket owners should at least have the decency to hide it, rather than leaving the stinky body cocoon lying on the sofa where it is visible to guests.

Slanket fan Mary Fisher said: “My goal is to reach the point of ‘maximum snuggle’, where I am so warm and cosy with my Slanket, my low calorie chocolate drink and the central heating cranked up that I literally melt into a puddle of blissful sweat.”