Students home to dump boyfriends and fix parents’ broadband

THE UK’s students have arrived home to get their parents’ internet working and end long-term relationships.

The students admitted they are not looking forward to either task, though are divided about which will prove more difficult.

Carolyn Ryan, studying French at Keele, said: “The broadband, which hasn’t worked since November with the bonus of really uncluttering my Facebook feed, is probably going to be a matter of turning it off and on again.

“The boyfriend, on the other hand, needs to be gently told that it’s over without arousing suspicion that I’ve been shagging our corridor’s Resident Advisor since the second day of term.”

Biochemistry student Nathan Muir said: “The PC at home’s going to be a four-hour job, because Dad has no idea how to clear the viruses and spyware from all the porn sites he pretends he doesn’t visit.

“Breaking up with Megan, on the other hand, should be as easy as showing her my new rainbow flag and ‘I Heart Boys’ tattoos.”

Students have confirmed that once those unpleasant jobs are disposed of, they will be clogging up local pubs to show off their new piercings while having loud conversations about oppression.