THE BBC is currently encouraging all its staff to take part in diversity training. Here gammon Roy Hobbs imagines what this will involve and explains why it is an outrage.
Making you think you’re prejudiced
Overcoming ‘unconscious bias’ all sounds very nice, but what if you’re prejudiced against someone and you’re right? I’ve never liked the look of them in the corner shop, and it turns out a Dr Oetker Hawaiian pizza is 45p more than in Asda. Bloody crooks.
Employing 50 per cent gays
I haven’t studied diversity training in detail, but I’m pretty sure they’ll want equal numbers of gays. So that means 50 per cent of BBC programmes will be gay. I pay my licence fee for heterosexual documentaries about Bomber Harris, not Graham Norton interviewing Liberace every night.
Not being able to compliment a lady
This is probably the first thing they study. You won’t be able to say “Your hair’s looking nice, Janie”. Instead you’ll learn to say, “I respect your autonomous hairstyling decisions, equally valid non-gender-specific human.” I actually believe this.
Making you ashamed to be a white male
There’s good and bad in all types, I say. So let’s not not judge people by their skin colour. Although white people never did anything as bad as Idi Amin, the WW2 Japanese, or the Candyman. Me and the wife had to turn that off.
I can see it now, normal blokes like me would have to wear dresses while Boy George and Grayson Perry make us plait each other’s hair and play with dolls. This sort of ridiculous political correctness is going to set diversity back by decades. Although I have wondered what it’s like to wear a dress. Maybe when my wife’s out.
The ‘disabled’ scam is real
Yes, there are a few real disableds, but they’re mostly wheelchair frauds who just want the parking spaces. It’s lucky there are people like me who aren’t taken in, and don’t need any of this ‘consciousness-raising’ nonsense.