The latest cute phrases that will make you want to puke

AFTER the success of ‘sleeps’ and ‘holibobs’, the world’s idiots have decided more twee words and phrases are needed. Here are the latest ones.

‘Cakey cakey nom noms’: cakes

If you’re the sort of person who is unnaturally interested in cakes – and finds them somehow excitingly forbidden – you will feel no shame in saying, “Anyone fancy some cakey cakey nom noms?”

‘Topperooni’: good, excellent

Can be used in any situation, so long as you’re a twat, eg. “I did 250 bench presses today.” “Topperooni, mate. I did some good work on my abs with the kettlebells.”

‘Naughty time’: sex

Perfect for the Mumsnet generation who love this sort of twee shit. Expect them soon to be excitedly typing: “DD and DS @ sleepovers so LOTS of naughty time with DH!!!” “Need sum naughty time too, hunz!!!”

‘Binkitrimbo’: bank holiday

Just for consistency it’s good to have a nauseating term for bank holidays as well as holidays in general, except that anyone who says “Josh and I are just going to chillax on the binkitrimbo” clearly needs to be shot.

‘Deathibobs’: dying/being dead

Society’s inexplicable love of twee phrases means that in a few years’ time it will be normal to attend a funeral where the vicar says: “We are here today to mourn the deathibobs of George Alfred Jackson…”