The pros and, for the sake of completeness, cons of cannabis legalisation

LEGALISATION of cannabis would raise billions in tax, free up police resources and deprive criminal gangs of income. But let’s pretend there’s a bad side.

However, for the sake of ‘balance’, there are probably a few minor disadvantages if you look hard enough. Here’s a look at the pros and, supposedly, cons:

PRO: Cannabis is already used by four-and-a-half million otherwise law-abiding Britons without major negative effects on society.

CON: Cannabis is a ‘gateway’ drug, although so is Ibuprofen if you’re that way inclined.

PRO: Legalising and taxing cannabis would provide a major new source of income for ailing public services.

CON: EasyJet flights to Amsterdam would be hit hard, cancelling at least eight routes per week with possible redundancies.

PRO: Cannabis is a naturally-produced substance which can have significant medical benefits.

CON: Police would no longer have a ready-made reason to arrest young men who may then be found guilty of, or fitted up for, other crimes.

PRO: Cannabis is notably less physically harmful than alcohol and causes fewer fights outside kebab shops.

CON: Jamaican dub music is very bass-heavy and could disturb the neighbours.

PRO: Being stoned is fun.

CON: Those Reefer Madness films from the 1930s are terrifying.

Which side is correct? You decide!

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PR professional unable to make people like her

A PUBLIC relations professional is unable to make people like her, it has emerged.

Despite her job requiring her to make people warm to her clients, Emma Bradford finds it impossible to behave pleasantly herself.

Acquaintance Helen Archer said: “Emma made the public like a tallow factory’s giant cow mascot, so I’ve got no idea why she can’t act like a human being when she meets new people.

“If she’s not telling them how much her shoes cost, she’s tutting when they talk about their family.

“I introduced her to my partner and she took me to one side and asked why his face was that shape. Then she started talking about how he needed to ‘rebrand’ if he didn’t want to ‘look like he’s shit the bed in front of his core demographic.'”

Bradford said: “Do you think chefs want to cook themselves a meal when they get home? Fuck off.”