Them foreigners is a right bunch, say Conservatives

ALL them foreign buggers is coming over here and having a bit of how’s your father with our lovely poppets, according to the Conservative Party.

Senior Tories said all this immigration was terrible and that you ‘couldn’t get a flippin’ seat on the bus because it’s full of Bulgarian fruit pickers’.

A spokesman said: “I remember when you could go to the pictures and see a nice film starring Kenneth More and that lovely Jean Simmonds. There was a proper lady. Now it’s all ‘bang, bang, bang’. And the music? Cor, what a racket.

“I had one of them Polish fellas round my house. I says, ‘Oi, Ivan can’t you speak no English, eh? Can’t even say please or thank you?’

“It’s a disgrace is what it is. Lucky for him he did such a magnificent job on my downstairs loo or he’d have got my boot up his thievin’ backside.”

Former party chairman Lord Tebbit added: “I told my grandson he should get himself a job pickin’ fruit. ‘Put some money in your pocket’, I says, ‘take that nice young girl of yours to the seaside for the day’.

“I says to him, ‘if you don’t, it’ll be all them Bulgars pickin’ that fruit and takin’ your girl to the seaside and doin’ dirty Bulgarian things to her up the back of the Co-op’.”

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Farage says Carswell has 'never really let the hate flow through him'

NIGEL Farage has accused UKIP MP Douglas Carswell of betraying the party ‘by not letting the hate flow through him’.

The former UKIP leader said Carswell had become ‘all soft and effeminate’ on immigration and ‘could never truly understand the ancient power of xenophobia’.

He added: “Carswell has become infected with sentiment. He sees foreigners as humans. If you want to be in UKIP, you have to let the hate flow through you properly. You can’t half-arse it, you have to see it as your destiny.

“Anyway, I’m not about to let him pick me up and throw me over a banister.”

Farage then sent Carswell a message on his mobile saying, ‘Oh and by the way… you will DIE’.

Carswell responded: “You are a very strange little man.”