DESPITE repeated mentions of the Holy Spirit and higher powers, God has confirmed that today’s proceedings have bugger all to do with him.
Talk of the divine right of kings and the monarch being subject to no earthly authority has escalated to such a pitch that the deity has felt the need to step in and dismiss it as a load of cobblers.
God said: “I didn’t mind being associated with it in 1953, but that was seven decades ago. The world’s moved on and now all this nonsense just feels passé. Read the room, Charles.
“If he wants to put on his fancy gold hat and sit on the ancient chair or whatever then fine, but don’t attach my name to it is all I’m saying. I didn’t choose the bloke. He just happened to be born into the most entitled family in the world.
“I do kind of like the fact that he’s inviting all faiths into it though. All us deities are into that. Yeah, we chat, we’re friends. It’s you tedious little humans that fight over it.
“What’s that? You want my response on illness, famine and societal ills? Sorry, the line’s got really bad, I can’t hear you. Hello? Hello?”
God then made some unconvincing hissing and crackling noises and hung up.
