WORKERS have been left in turmoil after the least pleasant person in their office expressed interest in joining them for a drink.
Team members at a Cheltenham-based insurance company were making arrangements for post-work socialising when lead co-ordinator Julian Cook overheard.
Salesperson Emma Bradford said: “Julian is a prick, he also always has to have the last word on any topic and makes cruel jokes about his wife. He will ruin it.
“But we can’t exclude him or even cancel it because that feels sort of like bullying.
“On the other hand, nobody wants to go now. Truly this is a dilemma. Maybe one drink and then mumble some vague excuse involving a pilates class.”
Psychologist Mary Fisher said: “Prick colleagues have bat-like ears that pick on any mention of the pub.
“It’s a hard one to handle. I recommend the ‘sacrificial lamb’ approach where one person gets left talking to the prick while everyone else sidles off to the pool table.”
Julian Cook said: “Sometimes I think the guys are scared to ask me to the pub because I am very much the alpha male, it can be intimidating for the other men and overly arousing for the women.
“I am a natural raconteur. Everyone loves my jokes apart from my wife, the fat bitch.”