US sitcoms 'pressurising women into kookiness'

A GLUT of kooky female sitcom characters is putting women under pressure to be pixie-like, it has been claimed.

American series like New Girl, 2 Broke Girls and the other one about a bitch in a flat emphasise quirky, beguiling female behaviour.

Kookologist Dr Helen Archer said: “Thanks to television, many young women feel obliged to deliver off-centre zingers in response to even mundane questions like ‘Where’s the butter?’

“They feel they aren’t neurotic enough, they don’t have a trademark haircut and that they lack odd character tics like an obsession with old gramophones.”

Office manager Emma Bradford said: “It’s hard to balance the expected sitcom-standard levels of elfin ditziness with the demands of working life.

“Last week I was suspended for riding a vintage push bike into a meeting, crashing it into the manager then watching a cloud of parakeets fly out of the basket.”

Dr Archer said: “Woman shouldn’t have to be kooky. Sassy is fine.”



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Injunction stops 'Indiana Jones and the Nazi Buddha Statue'

A COURT injunction has banned Steven Spielberg and George Lucas from even thinking about making Indiana Jones and the Nazi Buddha Statue from Space.

As reports emerged of a Tibetan Buddha sculpture carved from a meteorite and pillaged by Nazis, lawyers representing everyone in the world immediately applied for a court order to prevent another offensive catastrophe.

Julian Cook, a film injunction specialist at Porter, Pinkney and Turner, said: “The statue even has a little swastika on it that would no doubt be erased by a supernatural power to the strains of some spooky John Williams music.

“As well as the injunction we have asked for the statue to be destroyed and have appealed to every news outlet in the world to remove all traces of the story from their archives.

“Never again.”