Tuesday, 7th July 2020

We call them 'shaggin' wagons', say retirees with campervans

RETIREES have confirmed they love campervans because of all the non-stop freaky sex they enjoy in them. 

Roy and Sheila Hobbs from Nantwich have been the proud owners of the converted campervan they call The Big Red F**k Machine for eight years, and admit they have had more sex in it than their children could bear to imagine.

71-year-old Roy said: “Our lovemaking at home had gone very stale but in the caravan we are filthy beasts who don’t know when to stop.

“There’s something deeply erotic about all the space-saving furniture. Knowing the bench we sit on to watch The Tipping Point will later combine with the dining table to make a bed awakens a primal urge to give the wife one.

“I know when Roy’s feeling lustful because he leaves the concertina door to the bathroom open when he’s showering. The smell of his Sanex combined with the wafts from the chemical toilet is quite the aphrodisiac.

“If you see two or more campervans parked together? Swingers. And the Camping and Caravanning Club? There’s a reason you have to be members.”

Son Darren Hobbs said: “Last time they visited they stayed in the van on the drive to save us the trouble of putting them up. The noises I heard. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD.”