Weird bastards celebrating first mortgage

A YOUNG couple are celebrating taking out a terrifyingly huge loan that they will be paying off for the rest of their lives.

Helen Archer and Tom Logan borrowed a quarter of a million pounds to buy a small brick box in a suburb of Weston-Super-Mare and are over the moon to be on an endless treadmill of debt repayment.

Archer said: “It’s next to a motorway and we have to drive 14 miles to the nearest shop, but we’re ignoring all that because we’re so thrilled to be on the property ladder.

“Tom hates his job and mine is a massively long commute now that we’ve moved, but we can’t quit and get jobs nearer which pay less because if we do the bank will repossess our house and we would have to live under a bridge.

“Still it’s worth it to feel superior to people who rent, even though they can get someone else to pay when the boiler breaks, whilst we have to phone up my dad and cry.”

She added: “We’d like to throw a housewarming party but we now live an hour’s drive away from all our friends so they probably couldn’t be arsed to come.”