SO. It’s happened. In a move sure to spread like bubonic plague, Scotland has decided to make period products free in a final victory for the feminazi stormtroopers of woke.
Schools and council buildings will be giving away sanitary towels like there’s no tomorrow. And soon women in the rest of the UK will want their own period bonanza too. Monkey see, monkey want to insert free tampons, as they say.
Men don’t get free razors, and not shaving is exactly the same as a discharge of menstrual blood. The worst thing though is turning men into second-class citizens. All because we’ve got a penis, although I expect feminists would like to chop that off in the name of ‘equality’ so we all have to sit down on the loo.
What next? Free cars, free clothes, free holidays? Will women get free houses, while men have to pay a mortgage? Or are not allowed to own a house at all? It’s a slippery slope – first it’s sanitary towels, then it’s concentration camps.
And who’s paying for this? Men, who earn more than women anyway. Have women thought what happens when the economy’s in ruins thanks to frittering our wealth on expensive sanitary products? No, because they don’t have logical brains. That’s just a scientific fact.
As women in every nation demand free tampons, the global economy will crash and we’ll return to the Dark Ages. Our gleaming modern cities – built by men – will be overgrown ruins while mankind is reduced to subsistence farming and wolves take the sick and dying.
In this age of tampon tyranny it’s only a matter of time before female police officers turn up on my doorstep with a dress, and say: ‘Wear this, Mr Hobbs, and report for your surgery in a week’s time.’ Yes, I actually believe that.