FEMINISM? I don’t need it, I’m a white man. But these foreigners coming to Britain? They’ll find no louder feminist than I if they try disrespecting our slags.
I believe in gender equality, and we’ve achieved it post-Benny Hill. After the third date we’re splitting the bill, that’s how empowering I am. I also support women having careers and property and independence, so they’ve no call to try and move in with me.
Other cultures are different and need watching. You can’t trust them with our liberated women. So it’s as a feminist that I’m putting flags up on lampposts round council estates where they’ve moved in.
They come here and claim a woman is ‘asking for it’ because she’s in a short skirt, which is outrageous. Yes, we’ve all said it, but in English, in a pub full of men laughing along, in keeping with tradition. Not in a menacing, foreign way.
How are Muslims meant to integrate when we can’t even agree on fundamental human rights like pornography? Islam criticises women for drinking and shagging about, whereas I – as a sex positive feminist – am all for it.
Then there’s polygamy. On paper intriguing, but you can’t be practicing it over here. Not with the way family courts are biased against men. I’m thinking of you lads on this one, a four-way divorce would bleed you dry.
But it’s more women’s safety that concerns me. They’ve got to be able to walk the streets with only good-natured cat-calling. They need the freedom to wear low-cut tops without being leered at by non-Caucasians.
They’re delicate creatures; fragile, silly and easily overwhelmed. Which is exactly why we need strong leadership to protect them. Being assaulted by illegals is why that champion of women Donald Trump won office.
Boys will be boys and we’ve all pushed the limits, but it’s harmless fun when white-skinned citizens do it. When a migrant does it, he’s touching our property – I mean, infringing unacceptably on a woman’s person.
So ladies, much as I hate feminism, I’ll use it against them for you. Also, it’s a cracking reason for resuming the bombing of Iran.
