Woke builder cat-calls women based on how beautiful they are inside

A PROGRESSIVE builder is only yelling compliments at passing women for their personality and political activism, rather than looks. 

Scaffolding technician Stephen Malley made the incredibly courageous choice to only provocatively shout at female pedestrians if they have a beautiful character and values.

Speaking of his decision, Mr Malley said: “This isn’t about me, it’s about women. They deserve to be appreciated for what really matters.

“For too long, it’s been the girls with pretty faces, terrific arses or massive jugs getting all the attention. But what about the girls with sexy brains? With Twitter accounts uplifting marginalised voices? Where’s their unwanted attention?

“Sure, a lady who happens to be showing cleavage appreciates recognition. But I’m not about the surface. I’d only consider yelling ‘I’ve got a cock here with your name on it’ if her feminism was intersectional.

“Also, I’ll be prioritising women of colour. I won’t say that this makes me the Rosa Parks of cat-calling. I’ll leave that to you.”

Colleague Joe Turner said: “The other day he wolf-whistled this bird buying a Big Issue while completely ignoring a group of well hot student chicks. It’s disgraceful.”

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Energy bills going back up but at least your mortgage is higher

THE public has been reassured that while energy bill support will end, their mortgages will still be going up by a consoling few hundred a month. 

Relieved homeowners are less worried about energy bill support ending in April because the rise in their mortgage payments should more than make up for it.

A Treasury spokesman said: “Yes, the price of heating your home and microwaving your Pot Noodles could soar to £4,347 a year, but that’s glass-half-empty thinking.

“Try to focus on the positives instead, like your fixed-rate deal ending in May and interests rates being five per cent by then. Which is slightly less than was forecast a few days ago. I hear your collective sigh of relief.

“And don’t forget we’re trimming the fat on public spending too, meaning you can wave goodbye to socialist vanity projects like schools, hospitals and libraries. So there’s light at the end of the tunnel.”

Nikki Hollis of Dawlish said: “It’s a Jeremy Hunt budget in a collapsing Tory administration. No way it’s going to last until March.”