Woman knows ‘likes' for new haircut are sympathy ‘likes'

A WOMAN who received 188 Facebook likes for a picture of her new haircut knows that most of them were out of sympathy, it has emerged.

Donna Sheridan posted the picture of her new look on social media as way of gauging if it was as bad as she feared.

She said: “It was worse than I thought. Fucking everyone I know liked it. Everyone.

“That includes women who I hate and who hate me. Those fuckers liked it to.”

Sheridan’s boyfriend Tom Booker tried to persuade her that the likes were genuine. He said: “I told her it’s a great haircut. Obviously it’s not, the colours look like a Duracell battery.

“I’m just going to keep pretending to like it though, she’ll either get the message and change it or I’ll have to dump her.”

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Van Gaal hands FA Cup to Mourinho in supermarket car park

LOUIS van Gaal has handed the FA Cup to Jose Mourinho during a tense meeting in a supermarket car park, it has emerged.

The two managers met at Waitrose near Wilmslow where Van Gaal took the FA Cup out of its car seat in his Volvo Estate and thrust it without a word to Mourinho before disappearing.

Eyewitness Tom Logan said: “Jose kissed the trophy and hoisted it into the air in triumph, anyone would think he’d earned it in some way.

“Then he started saying loudly that it looked like it could do with a polish.

“He also promised that it’d soon have another shiny trophy for company, and not just that tacky Capital One Cup.”

Onlookers reported that Mourinho then perched the FA Cup precariously in the passenger seat of his sports car, forgetting to fasten the seat belt before speeding off.

Louis Van Gaal said: “Who was there on a cold Friday night in Derby? I was. Who put the FA Cup first despite the appeal of the Premier League and the Europa League? I did.

“And then in swoops the vulture, looking smooth with his flash car and suit. Fucking typical.”