Woman who has totally run out of career options to become a life coach

A WOMAN has become a life coach after exhausting all other job options.

Emma Bradford, 38, has tried many careers but nothing really worked out, and she got sacked from her last job for stealing printer paper.

She said: “I’m going to become a life coach because fuck knows what else I can do. I’ve had eight jobs in the last three years, including painting and decorating, office admin and running a cheese website.

“Life coaching is basically telling people to get their shit together, which I have experience at because my family has always told me to get my shit together.

“I’ve got some cards printed up and I’ve bought a book called Transformational Techniques, so I can tell people stuff out of that.

“Giving them ‘tools’ for ’empowerment’, which I think means just nodding a bit while they bang on about their problems.

“I’ll have to get an office though because my flat smells of wet dogs and there are lots of ‘final payment demand’ letters lying around.”