Women much stealthier masturbators than men

WOMEN are much better at secretly masturbating than men, it has been claimed.

Whilst male masturbators are generally about as covert as a shoplifting Morris Dancer, research has shown that women could be at it at pretty much any time.

Professor Henry Brubaker at The Institute for Studies said: “If a woman is in the bath, reading a book in bed or even looking for a shoe under the sofa there’s a strong possibility she’s masturbating.

“Men can’t masturbate in baths for the same reason you can’t start an old lawnmower in a jacuzzi.”

Office manager Emma Bradford said: “The key is being able to multi-task. My male colleagues find it impossible to frot themselves off while compiling a quarterly sales report in Excel.

“Also, their idea of cunning is to look themselves in the disabled toilet for 15 minutes then emerge muttering something about ‘bad prawns’.”

Professor Brubaker added: “Our study suggests that men masturbate much more frequently than women but you have to ask the question, what were women up to when they were filling out the questionnaire?”